Monday, June 05, 2006

Doing it now - Originally posted 20/11/05

I can't put it off any longer, I have to start it. I have tried everything I know to distract myself, this being one of them, but I know it has to be finished by tomorrow so no more digressing. Control, that's what I need, but then again I always need controlling. If I could just start it I know the words would flow, but getting out all the files and actually finding a pen and paper seems an impossible task. It reminds me of all the essays I had to write at uni, I was the same then, putting them off till the night before then having to stay up all night to write them. Still not sure how I ever passed. And what if I hadn't passed, well I wouldn't be here now talking about putting it off again. I would probably be in Tesco stacking shelves, I wouldn't have as much money, but then again I wouldn't have to do so much work at home, in my own time. Umm not sure which would be best, no holidays, no car, kids going without, maybe no pc or working my socks off and having all the above and more. The thought of going into work tomorrow and telling my manager to stick her job is becoming more and more tempting, but what would I do then? I could live off the state, like so many of the people I work with, but that wouldn't even cover my direct debits. I could go back to uni and do something different, but that would mean more all night sessions writing essays and I don't think I could do that again and I would still have to work to pay for it. I could start up my own business, but doing what? Or I could apply to Tesco to fill their shelves up for them, no I don't think that's for me. Only one thing for it, I have to start it and start it NOW.

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